Sar (smudgedblue_x) wrote in scribbledinsand,
Sar
smudgedblue_x
scribbledinsand

“Don't leave me!” I cried but it was too late as you left.
All you said over your retreating shoulder was “I'll be back. Stay here, Els.”

So what did I do, of course? My 9 year old self was seduced by the flashing light doors adults and children alike passed through, into the hall of mirrors. Without so much as a cursory glance around to check the coast was clear of my elder brother, Simon, I trudged through the funfair grass and mud to the illuminated entrance.

It was the single most scary experience of my life, exaggerated of course by the almost strobe lighting effect of the brightness of it all. That's all it was really, the exaggeration and to my 9 year old self it was enough to terrify.

I found myself lost and alone, in a strange, surreal place and I ran through, trying to find my way out and only seeing myself and my fear around me. I heard the shouts of my brother, my name echoed tenfold and he couldn't reach me, couldn't find me.

I've never forgiven him for leaving me, not ever since that day. A childhood psychedelic phobic experience it may have been but it gives me panic attacks to relive it. For leaving me, I could at least understand but I have not got over it and fear I never shall and for that I can not forgive.
Tags: prose
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